Rumor Mill
2024 Starts soon… Rumors… let the mud fly…Rumor has it that Pine Barrens look the part and have actually won two games in a row. Miracles do happen !!
SIGHTING: Apparently the first Coaches meeting of 2016 was held this passed Sunday which started at Brooks and ended at PJ’s (what a surprise.) In attendance was the new commissioner, Van “why am I doing this” Kapeghian and new coaches Mike “Larry’ Collins and Eric “don’t pitch to him” Brady. The ageless veteran, Scott “my float group is better than yours” Morrow and Zach “don’t call me Spaulding” Magulick also in attendance. MISSING from this meeting of the minds was Joey “former Rookie of the year/Joey Lu” Lutricso. Rumor is that Joey Lu had a rough night and was unable to get out of bed. Sounds like a league beer fine to me….stayed tuned for the rules….
2015- Past Rumors…RUMOR has it that the first game of the season will be Crane Electric against Pine Barrons. As these teams feature out of town players who hit the ball a long way, rumor is that the commish will be brining in an outside company and testing for PEDs before the first pitch is thrown…
Rumor has it that Doggz are talking smack and plan to repeat again in 2015
Rumor also has it that long time team RoadKill has dropped out of the running this year
RUMOR: Word is that MLSBL commish/GM/President/meatball and head coach of the Pine Barron’s has been busy this off season…rumor has it that he has added two additional long ball hitters to compliment his 4 hole hitter. In addition, SK is has worked his magic and obtained a know 5 tool player from within the league…stay tuned
2014 Rumors
Just one guy’s pre-playoff thoughts, as we await the REAL season to begin. Will Crane’s line-up finally gel and will their sometimes suspect defense let them down? Will Farmer’s full team show or will Billy and Ryan miss the weekends? They aren’t the same without those two. Will the Doggz miss Liv’s experience in the big games & will their chemistry take a hit w/ guys showing up that haven’t made many games? Will Pine Barrons older squad find some of their youth and put a run together, or has age caught up with them? Can Cannons & Road Kill make the jump up in competition n will the bottom of both lineups play well for them to have a chance. Will Vandalay have enough guys or will them forfeiting help other teams by giving them a free win and advancing w/o spending energy? And finally, how will having a real umpire change the strike zone, thus changing each game? Good luck to all the teams !!!!!!! |
MISSING: A player from the Pine Barrens has carelessly misplaced his glove…rumor has it the glove is being held for ransom by an unknown team…look for a ransom note this weekend
Rumor has it that the old “Buffalo” game is making a comeback…if your not familiar with it, ask a former player of the Stewdoggz…you’ve been warned
Rumor has it: Blazing Cannons are becoming a run producing force due to the “Younger Generation players” coming up through the ranks. Late night practice have been watched with anticipation.
Rumor has it: that the Pine Barron’s continue to struggle and it appears that the Kentrus experiment is not going well. It should be noted that his big righty hit three long home runs against Farmers, but was heard saying afterwards ” they mean nothing if we aren’t winning.” It looks like this behemoth did some growing up since his last stint in the league and may push to circle the wagons. Watch out for these guys to make a late season run.
Sighting: A three team practice was held at Wilson field last Saturday…it looks like the winter was not great to some of the participants weight wise…a total of 11 players were in attendance and all appeared to be in bad shape…
Rumor has it…that our meatballing commish has left the Stewz to resurrect a forgotten franchise of the past…the Pine Barrens. “My earliest memories of ML Softball were eating swedish fish from the craft shop and watching my Dad play for the Pine Barrens”, coach Kent was quoted as saying. Sounds like a bunch of sentimental crap that may not go over well in what looks to be a veteran laden dugout. Former Stewz Summertime, Corky, and the Big Show helped coach K form the foundation of the new team, and word on the street is he convinced a few once-retired ML Softballers to dust off the cleats and make a comeback. Hot Sauce, White Walls, and a man named Brady are just a few making their return to the Brooks diamond. Here’s hoping the old men of the Pine Barrens can bring the wood this year…
2011 Rumors
Rumor: The new team Doggz have all gained weight over the off season and may look a bit “tight” in their new uniforms. Hit the gym Doggz!
Hot off the press: Rumor has it that the StewDoggz have split and become two teams. The backroom talk has surfaced saying everything from the league needs some diversity to Scott Schaeffer hates wearing orange. Others have noticed that the StewDoggz are “losing a step and have less pop that before”. The new teams “Stew” and “Doggz” will show the league in 2011 what they will really made of.
Rumor has it: A Softball Combine will be secretly held to determine the ability of some of the “free agent” players. Rumors also say that there will be drills including the 40 ft stumble, can daylight be seen under by cleats when I jump, and the difficult “run, throw and hit” drill. Hopefully this will weed out those asking for high $$ amounts and compensations.
Past..Rumors for 2010………..
Rumor has it that the Flakes have acquired the needed HR muscle in signing Tom Wiker and Shawn Pringle. For those who have followed Wikers’ career, a rare officially signed Wheaties box cover was found and will be auctioned off on E-bay at the beginning of the season. Send your support on this to: Twiker@goutrelief.com
Rumors for 2009….
In light of the recent defensive struggles of 2B/RF Brett Summerville, the StewDoggz are scrambling for ideas of how to hide him better in the field. One suggestion was to have all the players rotate jerseys in hopes of confusing the competition as to his whereabouts in the field. Unfortunately that plan has been scrapped because no one wants the possibility of looking at Kentrus in an undersized shirt. If anyone has any bright ideas please feel free to email: icantcatchacold@summerville.net.
Breaking NEWS:::: Chico’s and After Hours merge to put together a powerhouse team of players. Positions and salaries are to be negotiated within the next week- Signing bonuses will be disclosed by April 1st.
Rumor has it that many free agents will be testing the waters with new teams and new contracts in the next week.
Sighting: Scott Kentrus and his players were seen practicing using both hands for an expected 6 count championship, rumor has it that most were unable to make the transition from one hand to the other !!
Former Blazing Cannon, Mike Robinson, after leading his new Florida team “ deadwood” to a division title may be willing to fly back on Sundays to help his old team out of the cellar. “ just a quick call from Scott Morrow and I am in” Mikes demands are simple a bowl of m&m’s 12 pack of mountain dew and a gallon of popvs best vodka should git r done!
Rumor has it: That Chico’s Bail Bonds, After Hours and First Class were all seen at OTT’s, recruiting players for the up and coming 2009 season.
Past Rumors of 2008
Sighting: ABCO was found to be at All-Start sports last Friday replacing the normally used balls with the “Juiced ones” used this past weekend…be-careful ABCO, MLAA is watching……
2008 has begun with much controversy. As always there are a few “Rumors” to be had……Sighting: Former MVP/Rookie of the Year/All-Star and a “slimmer” man named Brady was seen briefly at the complex during Sundays games. One bystander commented “is that Brady? No way…” Apparently, the community service is paying off….no more streaking Mr. Brady
Rumor has it that last years MVP, Eric Brady was unable to play this season due to a short visit in the county Jail for streaking at a Boy George concert in the fall of 2007. Eric was rumored to have to fulfill his community service on Sundays through the 2008 season.
Sighting: After Hours’ 3 time Cy Young winner Pete Amodeo was seen talking with long time friend, Yankee’s own George Steinbrenner. Rumor has it Pete has a new role of line up and 3rd base coach for the up and coming After Hours team and leaned on him for some advise.
Past 2007 Rumors
High Pitch Eric?? Shrek?? or Dennis Finizio??? You make the call.
WORD IS THE T’BLAZER’S COULD BE THE CINDERELLA TEAM IN THE ’07 PLAYOFFS WITH THE MIDSEASON SIGNING OF 5-TOOL PLAYER FRAZIER.KEEP IN EYE ON THIS TEAM.
Mini-Kornholio Cometh!!!
P’J’s Eric Brady was “missing” from the first game of the season. Rumor has it that there was a last minute contract negotiation with Sand Stand and Brady’s agent. Word is that the sticking points were about royalty’s regarding his endorsements outside of the playing field.
Anthony Amato was 0-4 opening day. Struck out swinging twice and once
looking. His only contact came when he popped up to Hammond (catcher).
It doesn’t seem that the off-season surgery was a success.
FLANAGAN’S IN 2007…WATCH OUT STEWDOGGZ…..BRADY HITS 20 HRS THIS SEASON WITH SEASONED VET LANE LUNDBERG WINNING THE BATTING TITLE WITH A .925 AVG. JACK SCHAUB=BENEDICT ARNOLD…CHRIS CAV COACH OF THE YEAR!!!
A rare photo was taken….Rumor has it that Tom Wiker…AKA “Popeye” has been hitting the “juice” these days; evident of the picture taken of his one handed 75 lb curling T.O. like exhibition….
RUMOR or TRUTH?? Sand Stand Captain, Ron Kornafel, announces today that team management has come to an agreement with two all-star powerhouses from Flanagan’s… Dennis F and the T.O. of the league Brady. RK indicated that he feels SS got hosed last year and wants to win it all in 2007; love’em or hate’em….if this rumor is true, Sand Stand just became a very serious contender and my money’s on them. Hmmmm……
In response to the Rumor or Truth question, I sincerely hope Sand Stand welcomes those two behemoths. They successfully tore apart Flanagan’s/Nickelbee’s in just 2 seasons and it’s only a matter of time until those egos rip apart another team. Congrats Ron, you’ve just guaranteed your team an early exit from the ’07 playoffs. I hope you ran this by your better half, Drew, do you know about this move?
Past 2006 Rumors
Rumor has it: That the 2006 Champs, StewDoggz ran out of beer (17 cases worth) and decided to raid all of Summerville’s’ wine and liquor cabinet into the late hours of Sunday night.
After Hours Rumor: After Hours, now sporting the 2006 HR derby champ and the 2006 Cy Young winner have been able to acquire a few high profile prospects soon after the playoffs ended. Coach George Wiker was not available for comment, other than to say that “After Hours will be a serious contender for 2007”.
BUFFALO!!! TAKE THAT STEWDOGGZ….
TO DREW:
I HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY ANOTHER TEAM IN MEDFORD LAKES
PLEASE SAVE ME
SIGNED GLOVE
For those of you out there and there a lot you who are enamored with the StewDoggz please don’t take anything Mike says to heart. You would talk that way too after 18-20 Miller Lite’s. Point being, there are a lot of good teams in this league and everyone needs to worry about how they play and stop worrying about what the StewDoggz say or do. Plain and simple, you must beat the best to be the best. And by the way, Flanagan’s is defending champs but it’s funny how everyone still wants a piece of the StewDoggz’s! It’s great to be one of the Doggz!!!!!
Mike (aka Larry Collins), fresh off the controverisal win against Flanagans, was overheard at the Cannonball Classic saying the StewDoggz were primed for their fourth title in five years and that no team in the Medford Lakes league poses a serious threat to the StewDoggz. And I’m here to tell you Mr. Collins that there are alot of talented teams that can unseat the arrogant and cocky StewDoggz and I’m her to tell you you need to bring your A game to the playoffs because right now I’m rating your game at a C-.
Rumor has it that the StewDoggz were heard saying that they are concerned about making any sizeable bets on winning the game this Friday night against last years Champions Flanagan’s. StewDoggz players were even heard trying to coach a few of the Flanagan’s players out for a night out of beers “on the house” just before the big game.
Rumor has it, that several high profile players, to be named later, of the StewDoggz would rather play for “Non-rated” tournaments that award the winners only tee shirts, instead of playing for their Medford Lakes team.
Possible Bigfoot Sighting: It appears that last years champion Flanagan’s/Nickelbee’s has a new pitcher which resembles a mythical creature. This individual was seen exiting woods in right field before it took the mound and saved the game for the champs. This unexplained phenom is said to be about 7’0 and weigh about 300 lbs…it is noticeable by its big bald head. if this individual is spotted, please contact the local SPCA or Medford Lakes PD
SIGHTING...Jeff Lillie of the Blazing Cannons was observed arriving at the game against Chicos in the bottom of the 4th inning. He was seen once again striking out (swinging) with the bases loaded in the top of the 5th.
Deal or No deal: Nicklebee’s has been sent to the curb, but only for a few short days. Soon not to be owner Ed Pine was heard saying that it was not going to happen this year. Nicklebee’s players were soon bombarded with offers from many of the local businesses for their names to be posted on the Champs shirts. Flanagan’s came to the table with the highest bid and will have the posting rights for the 2006 season.
Mystery Note found at P.J.’s bar late Sat night: An interesting piece of paper was found along with a $35. bar bill last sat night at P.J.’s…written on the crumpled paper was:
Pre-season projected top finishers in 2006: 1) Chicos 2) Nicklebees 3) Afterhours 4) Stewdoggz 5) Vand Industries 6) First Class 7) Sand Stand 8) Roadkill 9) Blazing Cannons 10) Genco 11) Pogue Mahon 12) ABCO |
Several members of Chico’s were seen enjoying a few brews prior to the “finding”
Ron Kornefel, Jim Tarzi and Anthony Amato are proud to announce the formation of a new team in the league. The Sand Sand features some of the best talent taken from other good teams in the league. “It’s all about me. . . no, wait . . . aaaah . . . I mean winning . . . aaah . . .” said one player from the new team. Other rumors suggest that team players will also sell ice cream on weekends to work-off the new T-shirts and pants.
Sighting: Nicklebee’s players Finizio and Brady were seen last Saturday with members of the Stewdoggz (Justin Daley, BA and drunken Spaulding) Rumors were flying of possible alliances between these individuals. When reached for comment, both players reinforced their allegiance to Cav and Nicklebees. Could there possibly be a sleeper team in the works??
Rumor has it that the Stewdoggz are in jeopardy of losing their big lefty Schaeffer. This is in part to the write-up after the Vand Industries game last year. Schaeff has stated that he is unhappy and feels unappreciated Rumor also has it that he may be headed in the direction of the currently controversial Nicklebees camp, who may be in need of a pitcher. This move could catapult Nicklebees to a second straight title….
RUMBLINGS FROM NICKLEBEE’S CAMP STATES: IF CHICO’S WANTS A 270 POUND SINGLES HITTER( BRADY) THEY CAN HAVE HIM. NICKLEBEE’S WILL EVEN LET CHICO’S TOUCH THE CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHY. HEY GETCHELL THERE MIGHT BE AN OPENING AT THIRD BASE.
Rumor has it: that last years runner’s up team “CHICO’S”, has decided to change the team name and from now own be known as CMB Construction. Word has it that the sponsor wanted more “INK” and was tired of playing second rate to the “Bail Bond Boys”
Here we go again…. “It has been rumored that a “new team” has formed off the merger of two former powerhouses, the Flakes and Chico’s. “tryouts for this team will be held long before the season even begins so we get the best talent to take Cavanaughs’ title and shut his guys up”, says an insider we’ll just call “Ed. More to follow as it develops
SIGHTING: Nicklebees big third baseman and 2005 rookie of the year may be on the move to CMB Construction. He was spotted last night at Pj’s with the infamous Roth twins, Auggie Wagner and JD Donahue. These individuals were seen speaking to this individual, buying him drinks, exchanging business cards and telephone numbers. This could be a devastating blow to Nicklebees and could smash all hopes of repeating. Nobody could be reached for comment. More as this story develops…
2005 Past Rumors
Dunk Tank Rumor: Rumor has it that anyone who strikes out during this weekend will be nominated as the dunk tank “Dunkee” for this Sunday afternoons year end party. Don’t forget to keep track, and that does include “foul outs” Bob Roth.
Sighting: Nicklebee’s “Rookie third basemen”, who went 0-4 last week was seen at Brooks taking BP late Friday night. Minors caps were on and he was heard saying “We are staying here until I hit a Home Run if it takes all night”. Others in the field were unavailable for comment after practice was over at 10:00 pm.
“Rumor has it that the big third baseman from Nicklebees was seen “pal-ing” around with assorted members of the Flakes and Chicos..the big man was spotted leaving Jim Tarzy’s house around 9 last night with cold beer in hand…a “passer-by” overheard members of both teams trying to “bribe” this individual to jump ship next year and play with either team…rumor also has it that a horseshoe tourney will be held to buy out his contract from Cav….details to follow…..”
Sighting: Chris Cavanaugh, Jack Schaub and Lane Lundberg were seen getting in some last minute batting practice at Brooks. Sources say that none of them could hit the ball out of the infield and all were in sad shape. Rumor also has it that the team will be short of players, again for the playoffs-good luck Nicklebee’s
Rumor has it that StewDoggz due to their recent losses ending the season, are purposely loosing to match up their games with the Hot Shots and the Flakes again. Seems like the Stew does not like teams in “RED”.
Rumor has it: That an anonymous “hot buns” sighting was obtained during the CannonBall Tournament. Those how saw this want to know who it was and could they bring the refreshments to the next Sunday game. Many were heard to say they played a better game and others had strained necks from the whiplash…If anyone knows the whereabouts of such a sighting please contact the commissioner to help solve this mystery…picture enclosed….
Rumor has it: that the write up of the game between the Stewdoggz and Vandaley Ind. by Coach Kuntrus of the Stewdoggz has the big gun (MVP, Rookie of the Year, and Home Run Champ) Schaeff pissed off. It appears Schaeff doesn’t even think Coach Kuntrus (aka -the unit) could carry his jock strap let alone win a championship without him. Rumor has it, Schaeff is requesting a trade to a more selfless team, even if it is for only a case of Schlitz.
The Blazing Cannons have a player MIA. If you have seen a pasty white guy wearing a Red Sox hat with blinding bat speed trying desperately to make it to first base before the sun sets, beware…he talks a lot of smack. Goes by the name “Sully”. He is dangerous, but can be calmed with a cold Rolling Rock. If you see this “Sully” please contact Robert Ferenz.
Rumor has it: That a few teams are trying to “sneak in” a player or two from the AAA leagues. Although there are already a few “questionable players” already on a team or two, the “eligibility police” are watching. PS. Random Steroid tests will be held opening Day (Watch out Mr. Pringle)
Apparently the Blazing Cannons in an effort to start things off in a big way are sending round trip airfare to last year all star Mike Robinson. Blazing Cannons have also thrown in a couple of Veal Parms from the RIV to entice Mike Back from Florida where he has re-located and is contributing to his new teams hunt for post season play, “ without Mike , I just don’t know how we’ll do it” stated coach Rob Ferenz.
Rumor has it…that once again Nicklebee’s will be rebuilding their team. Word has it that they lost two star players to the Flakes…Joe Cruz and Dave Getchell. John “I would rather keep my cleats of f during a playoffs game” Burger is also M.I.A. but no one is really concerned. None of these players have actually let their coach know of there direction but strong sources have been heard to say they are “happier where they are” As usual Nicklebee’s have found 4 young players to replay these disrespectful team jumpers.
2004 Past Rumors
| Rumor: Trailblazer Catcher Mike Robinson recorded perhaps the slowest swinging strikeout in the leagues history on Sunday. So peeved was Mike that he was overheard saying he was going to be bringing the beer for the rest of the season for that at bat…. |
Rumor/Truth…..Trailblazers 18 year veteran coach/player Cannon was seen stopping in to visit my former team – Fans were heard him to say he was astonished to see an 0-5 team that had no BEER at the field. Their opponents Road Kill offered him warm greetings AND BEER. Past owner Cannon was also heard to say that Roadkill were true sportsmen. Others noticed that while he watched, he noticed a team full of ” we don’t have any beer, we’re not very good, these other teams are better, Justin and Bob left”. BOO HOO HOO!!!!!! Robert – New head coach and owner….has the attitude to lead the Blazer to another 18 years of .500 ball. As Cannon left in disgust he was heard saying….cut the tears, have fun and bring BEER. |
Rumor Mill info. After Road Kill batted all 16 guys in their win on Sunday conversation was overheard by owners KJR and Wayno in order to win another title that maybe we should bring back Shinske, and the Miller brothers so we can have as many players as the old Dain Bramage teams had.
Rumor hits the street—::Trailblazers Coach Robert Ferenz and catcher Mike Robinson were overheard at Nicklebee’s Saturday night saying that they were going to take a page from the StewDoggz…..only the playoffs matter. Losses don’t mean a thing during the season. They were also heard saying that the Trailblazer were the smartest, fastest talking, and best looking team in the league.
Rumor has it that: Hot Shot’s Chet Beaston and Nicklebee’s Jack Schaub were seen exchanging money early Sunday morning (May 2nd)-reasons unknown. Although no substantial evidence was obtained…Schaub was seen, by many, to “help” a long hit ball by Chet into the street during their game later that day. Schaub later denied the involvement and was given a 3 base error on the play.
Rumor has it: That Roadkill has been seen having batting practice due to the recent “double K” loss to Nicklebee’s. Sources close to team members were rumored to say that fines for “K’s” will be doubled to 2 cases including an undisclosed monetary fine…until this problem is corrected.
…………Hey easy there big daddy it’s still only the first week. beside that who has a nickname for themselve after there favorite musical group! ……..just a reminder the ’40s are over dude! P.S. let us all know when your next gig at vaughn hall will be………..alright
You’re all playing for second place.
signed…..Big Voodoo Daddy
Rumor:….Newly formed team of Chico’s Bail Bonds was seen, doin’ the wild thing, at the Commissioner’s house last weekend. Tom Wiker (aka Tatum O’Neil) and Bob Roth (aka Kelly) were seen with sponsor Chris Bradley (aka Walter Mathau) spray-painting illegal bats so Jim Tarzi won’t know the difference. Chris Cavannaugh was seen spying on the team, and overheard someone say something about ‘a little chin music’ and ‘Johnny I.’ at their first game. Brothers Pedro and Chico (aka Joe Urban and Jeff Bednar) promised to celebrate the pounding of the Flakes team, who’ve lost most of their good players to the newly formed team.
Flakes vs. Chico’s; April 18th (1:30?), Flakes -3; Over/under=24; Kelly goes 1 for 4 (ground ball single); someone gets injured; Chris Bradley becomes the first sponsor to be ejected for the season
Rumor/Fact: The Phish are Dead… Drunken Phish team members were seen scrambling for spots to play when the announcement came from last years coach J. Mercy…that the team is in trouble and will be unable to field a team this year (2004). Mercy held a press conference (at Nicklebee’s) to discuss the decision: Many showed up…Rumor has it to see if: 1. Mercy was truly still alive and 2. Shake him down for past bets and drinks owed over the last year.“Coach steps down” Trailblazers coach Mark Cannon…has stepped down the coaching reigns and handed them to Robert Ferenz who bought bought the team for the agreed upon price of 10 cases of Rolling Rock long necks. Also high profile player Justin of the Trailblazers has been picked up as a free agent to the new expansion team ( name yet to be released). Justin…although not bound to any contract agreements offered to make sure the Trailblazers had a seasons supply of Rolling rock for the 2004 season as a good faith gesture….
Rumor on (AP) wire: an undisclosed source says manager/head coach/out patient Pete Bisconte has promised some whole changes in the Slugs this year starting with the uniforms. “We even intend to put names on the back of the jerseys… I’m just not sure how many K’s there are in Pat Pine!”
Rumor: Colony has voted “yes” to have Bob and Tom Roth fund and install a fence in front of the yard between the field and the grass. Tom Roth Sr. was heard to be spear heading the campaign and was rumored to say “I’m tired of those son’s of mine hitting the house…no more and it’s time for them to pay for the new siding and windows”. word has it that there is another issue of the Roth’s start up a new team…leaving the Flakes family.
** Rumor has it: That due to an on-going illegal bat problem with the StewDoggz…a anonymous spokes person said: We’re going to use wooden bats to kind of level the playing field, so maybe the rest of the teams will stand a chance.
Recent Rumor…breaking news….Trailblazers, a team of the last 15 years may loose their coach and two young prospescts. Rumors has it that no one has actually given the respect to tell the coach whether they are playing or jumping ship. Team is on rocky ground and is looking for players? More to come……
Rumor/Fact? A “tight lipped” Tom Wiker has teamed up with 2003 HR champ Bob Roth to co-captain a new select player team. Rumor has it that they both have gone way past the league salary cap to gather these players for this “unknown” named team. The “Vegas odds” are that they will trip over their own ego’s before the season is up.
2003 Past Rumors….
Like I said before, you’re all playing for second place, so I would like to take this time to congratulate Road Kill on a job well done.
signed……..The Sandman
Rumor has it that the StewDoggz #1 offensive threat Dan Schaeffer has a broken hand. Details of the event were sketchy but rumor has it that one drunken night many of the StewDoggz team had a race to see who was the fastest runner. Somewhere in this “Olympic” dash Dan hit his hand on J-Rods head…supposedly when passing him during a brief burst of speed. No other details were given as to the Home Run Kings batting ability…StewDoggz coach Scott Kentrus was unable to be reached for comment…..
Current standings on kegs of beer brought to the softball field this year:
StewDoggz 2 Everyone else 0
….the StewDoggz heavy on beer!!!! Rumor has it that they came to the game last week with no beer at all. everyone of them was begging for beer. they looked like kids back in high school waiting in Murphy’s parking lot waiting for someone to buy them beer at Harry’s. personally I think the team has become a bunch of lightweights.
StewDoggz…last years champs, now only a .500 team, has been rumored to have been consulting a sports psychiatrist to re-arrange the mental well being of this once great team. Being that these guys are heavy on the beer and light on money a bartering system is rumored to be the trade for the weekly sessions.
Rumor has it that a recent increase in home run activity for Nicklebee’s Jack Schaub (3 in one game having only 1 in the last 10 games), brought controversy of a Sammy Sosa like corked bat. Schaub was seen quickly leaving the field at games end with bat in hand. Schaub was unwilling to have bat opened to prove its legitimacy therefore he has been suspended for the next two regular season games. A hearing will be set for Sunday morning prior to the important double header with RoadKill and the Flakes. Nicklebee’s will not comment at this time and will be sending Joe Schlindwein as a legal representation to the hearing.
Rumor has it …Captain J-Man was last seen shutting down Nicklebee’s Sunday Night after his teams first victory. He was seen throughout the bar showing off his new gold platted key- to- the- city presented to him by Richie Lyon. Supposedly Richie was quoted as “Here I am tired of you breaking into my house. Just please don’t steal my clothes.” Hey Gray you still owe me forty bucks from the bottle cap pitch game you lost.
Rumor has it …..that Nicklebee’s power hitter Chris Cavanaugh recently purchased a bachelor pad, a new dog and a jar of peanut butter. Well, a man does have to eat. Rumor has it that all is invited to Cav’s house after the games this Sunday….
Warning: For those of thin skin and weak emotional ego’s please do not read the below “Rumors”…..they have been know to create lower batting averages……
Rumor has it that a press statement was sent from the StewDoggz: We are not playing for any position right now, because it’s irrelevant. We all know that this league comes down to the playoffs. Every team has a spot in the playoffs. You are all still playing for 2nd place until you knock us out of the playoffs and your name is on the trophy in 2003. Until then, keep up the hard work and we will see you in August. |
Hey sandman ….I know we are all playing for second place but what position are you and the stew dogs playing for now? |
Rumor has it……that It looks like Road Kill might need a new left-centerfielder. After getting toasted for the game-winner over his head against the StewDoggz last Sunday, Tom Wiker was visibly shaken. Apparently, the ballet classes he’s been taking have him a bit confused on the softball field. He used to be able to go back on a ball and run it down. Now, when he turns around for a deep fly, he just keeps on turning, spinning like a ballerina. Anyone who saw that play against the ‘Doggz could see that he performed a perfect pirouette, one to make any true ballet dancer proud. It seems as though Tommy “ballerina” Wiker is a better dancer than softball player, not that that’s saying much. This new lifestyle has hurt his performance at the plate too. It’s softened him up so much that he’s afraid to swing the bat in clutch situations. In the top half of that fateful inning, he was caught looking at a called third strike. It seems as though the best thing for Tommy Girl to do is trade in those softball cleats for ballerina slippers for good. A place where being a sissy is a good thing would be best for him (her). |
| Headline News: Softball players seen with minors caps on chasing softballs at Brooks field…..witnesses say that these players were wearing “Trailblazer” team shirts. Video at 11:00 pm |
| Rumor has it….That the Drunken Phish are in need of some changes to keep the talented team together. With 5 ring holders on the team they should be able at least come up with a stats book for the game. Coach Mercy is looking for a few players to step up and give it there all. rumor also has it that there are a few females (Robyn Bednar and Judy Cahill) that are looking to infiltrate the team and start up a winning streak….. |
As u know, I think u guys do an excellent job with the website. however, it is disturbing to find out that the real stats and game summaries aren’t posted. example: I missed the StewDoggz/RoadKill game and was only left to here the highlights from those whom watched the game. with that in mind, I looked forward to reading the website about the game. It’s nice to know that cheapo is hitting the shit out of the ball, however, we all know what we, the league, wants to read, “THAT TOM WIKER STRUCK OUT IN THE 7TH INNING LOOKING (looking like his mentor, Iadanza) AND THAT HE ALSO LOOKED LIKE A DRUNKEN SAILOR TRYING TO CATCH A ROUTINE FLY BALL (ie. unknown outfielder), GIVING THE GAME TO THE DOGS! That’s just one former champion’s opinion on how to improve the website. |
| ………..hey Sandman I know your glove is dipped in gold but what about your bat? Is this reason you struck out? |
| ……STEW DOGGZ!!!!!…………….. |
Word out of the “Doggz House” has it that Coach K has something up his sleeve to make up for the power lost in the lineup from this year’s personnel changes. An off-season diet program requiring a 12-pack with every meal has Craig Kenderdine blown up like a balloon. Finally with a stomach to match his fat head, his weight proportion should give him more balance at the plate and add more torque to his swing, producing many mammoth shots onto the Roth rooftop this summer. But that’s not the only lineup boost the ‘Doggz will receive this season. Making his return to the lineup after several near-death experiences, the Sandman is ready to resurrect his all-star form of old. Reports that a prosthetic leg and surgically repaired throwing shoulder are making him look like a machine in preseason drills. When asked by the local media how he felt about his comeback chances, his only response was “what doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger, and no one can kill the Sandman.” Keep an eye out for the good-looking, svelte second baseman with the glove dipped in gold. |
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| This just in, Tommy “White Walls” Wiker was recently arrested in a Philly hotspot, the Man Hole. The Central Record reports, that White Walls was with Jim “Beer Muscles” Tarzy juggling some Onions. Police have confiscated the onions and White Walls was taken into custody. Details at 11PM. |
You’re all playing for second place. signed……The Sandman |
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Rumor has it: The dismantling of once powerful Nicklebee’s has left so many holes in the field that they’re scrambling for help. Apparently, a few lonely late nights watching Cartoon Network gave Chris “no rings” Cavanaugh a possible solution to their problem. Reports out of Hollywood have Warner Bros. all but ready to sell the rights to Nicklebee’s for the versatile Bugs Bunny. Contract negotiations have been going on for weeks but seem to have hit a snag. Since Nicklebee’s needs him to play the entire left side of their defense, Bugs wants compensation. According to Bugs’ agent Elmer Fudd, “My cwient is a wascallwy wabbit and wants to be tweated wike one. A year’s worth of cawwots is not a wot to ask for. I can’t undelstand why we can’t agwee.” One theory has it that Cav’s waxing the carrot too often for there to be any left for Bugs. |
After a long off-season of trades and free agent acquisitions, teams are starting to shake the rust off to prepare for a run at the defending champion Stew Doggz. After a series of underachieving years, the Doggz finally figured out the winning formula…stay sober for two days in late July and you have a good shot at winning. These young Doggz will soon learn that winning their first is easier than repeating like their heroes of yesteryear. The paparazzi located and interviewed many of the champion doggz in the past couple of months. Following are some excerpts of interviews: The doggz K-King – Greg Githens – who, when interviewed, stated that he was ready for the season and was surprised when he heard from his Stew Doggz teammates and coach that the season won’t begin this year until Canoe Carnival weekend. Githens reported that he’ll arrive early for Stew Doggz workouts and will be at Brooks field for the doggz first game on Saturday August 2nd. Keep your eye out for Githens as he stands ready for Game 1 on Canoe Carnival Saturday! Apparently, fraud All Star Left fielder Larry Collins was seriously injured in December when his head became so swollen he got it stuck in a door. This happened when he was bragging about his team’s victory at his company’s holiday party at the male strip club THE CAVE in Philadelphia. Look for Collins’ average to eclipse the .300 mark this year as the doggz continue cooking their score book. When asked about their strategy to repeat in this and coming years, team hot shot and closet cross dresser Dan Schaeffer said “That’s simple…we’re going to keep Kentrus off the field. Somehow this jackass got right in the middle of the team picture where I should’ve been. I haven’t been able to get over that and I will make him pay.” Kentrus was too stoned to provide a reply to Schaeffer’s comments. The league looks forward to a new champ in 2003. |
| I wonder if that’s the same Stew Dogg who played as many innings as my wife last season? Funny how they won without him… |
| Once well known powerhouse “Nicklebee’s” is going through some changes. The long time past head coach Tom Wiker has been “traded” to Roadkill for an undisclosed amount of beer and a free team pass to Canoe Carnival night at Jones’ place through the 2005 season. Rumor also has it that Nickelbee’s also has lost newly aquired Shawn Pringle- also to RoadKill for a player to “be named later”. Coach Rob Weber has sealed contracts with Chris Cavanaugh, Lane Lundberg and Jack Schaub through the 2003 year. Others are still un-signed and waiting for some encouraging news from the minors to see if the roster will boast any “playoff hopes”. |
| Last years new surprise team “Brew Crew” is rumored to have completely folded. All players are quickly finding teams to play for. Details are sketchy but something about signing bonuses, batting orders and players taking up “midnight putting” with the owners daughter. |
| RoadKill- known for it’s come from behind championship wins ( 2 of the last 4 years), has rumored to have lost their key third baseman ( Fred Tucci) but aquired HR threat-Tom Wiker and Shawn Pringle, along with Mike Ditmar. If true, Roadkill will be heavily favored to take down the StewDoggz in the post season play. Roadkills’ coaching issues are still unresolved; applications are being accepted by all. |
Capitalizing on an early prison release program, After Hours has managed to improve the line up for 2003, adding four new players to the roster (names to be announced as they’re paroled). Additionally, a new drinking incentive program for home runs and best OBA should prove valuable as the team charges into the year. Of particular note, coach Wiker met with Todd Taylor, where Coach was quoted as saying. What the Hell happend at the HR Derby p.s.: After Hours looks forward to beating the snot out of Road Kill and their new player, d-head |
2002 past rumors
Trying to set the record strait “Coach” Brian Miller wasn’t kick of the team (road kill) but insists that he needed to retire. Brain states that he needed to go into training so that he could land the lead role in Vision Quest 2.
Road Kill disgusted by its efforts in the recent playoffs have gotten rid of some of it’s dead wood…..i.e “Ray””Ray” and both of the Miller brothers. One source close to the team has confirmed that Tommy Wiker will be leaving Nicklebee’s and joining the “Kill” next year as he is tired of all the finger pointing. The “Kill” has also been scouting the two newer teams for younger talent as they hope to lure them away with championship’s………….stay tuned for more to come.
Recent Rumors- have StewDoggz in trouble with the law ( again) for smuggling in Cuban cigars over the Mexican boarder along with handing out bribes to the local law enforcement to allow under aged drinking during recent weekend parties………..Rumor also has it that they blamed all of the infractions on Scott Kentrus..which he is not aware of yet……..
Last minute position changes in the works for the Flakes–Doug Griffith- soon to be “50” has been kept secretly hidden on the Flakes roster since the June 1st deadline and will start as their pitcher for this Saturdays dual with the Trailblazers………..
Rumor has it that: The “IZOD” fashion magazine will he at the game Saturday and Sunday to see how their product holds up while select players sport their attire. Unknown leads say that Jay Mercy, of Nicklebee’s, and Dan Reardon placed calls to bring attention to this fashion statement along with their quiet and reserved personalities………..
Rumor has it: That Bob Roth of the Flakes, sporting an extra “marriage” pound or two, is going to change professions from the Stock Market to tree trimming in light of his deep left field Home Run tree trimming ability of last week………………
Rumor has it that—Jim Shinskie, a defensive standout, for Roadkill told his teammate’s that he will be hanging up his glove at the end of the season. Many members of the Kill were stunned by the timing of Shinnies announcement. Unlike Dan, The Kook, Ross who retired to fish 7 days a week instead of 6, Shinnie said he needed time to do things around the house, such as mow the lawn and rake the leaves. Shinnie, who lives in a large house on a large lot could afford to hire someone to do this work, so many members of the Kill think there is some hidden reason for his retirement. Could any other members of the Kill hang up their gloves at the end of the season? Stay tuned as the year goes on.
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….this past weekend several Medford lakes residents have lodge complaints to the colony club about the abnormal behavior coming from the softball field at brooks. it has been confirmed by witnesses that it was the newly formed the “AFTER HOURS”. the complaints are as follows: 1. the loud music they were practicing to was by the village people. 2. grown men drinking Zima. 3. the teams notes on which one of firemen has the biggest hose. 4. ballet dancing as they ran the bases. ….when “coach” Wiker was ask to reply he stated that times have changed and that everybody should have an open mind. |
After Hours, (aka, Mr. China) was seen practicing at Brooks field last week. Calisthenics included beer shotguns, chewing aluminum cans, and comparing notes on the hottest wives of both Road Kill & Nicklebee’s teams (Top Ten Notes posted on website upon request). When asked about the team’s mission, Coach Wiker said, “This team has been founded upon the tradition of drinking copious amounts of beer, making fun of everyone and beating other teams who try to stack themselves up to win championships.” More to come……………………… |
| Rumor had it…..responding to a 911 call, local Medford lakes police found several players from the newly formed team the “BREW CREW”(lightweights!!) passed out in center field. the officer became quickly concerned after some intense interrogation when he found out that it was only the second inning. For the first time in Medford lakes softball history a team needed to be carded for age verification. doesn’t “coach” Cahill know that it is a against the law to provide alcohol to minors. Next time mike just bring the beer for the more seasoned beer drinkers. |
| RoadKill investigation over!!! Roadkill lodged a complaint with the league offices alleging tampering by one of the “new” teams Mr. China. Roadkill, with their numerous sources and contacts heard rumblings over the past month or two that Mr. China was pursuing Roadkill cleanup hitter Mark Matteson. Matteson, still under contract until mid April, has left the Kill to join Mr. China. League offices sent Coach Miller their ruling earlier today and confirmed it is a done deal, and while it was not illegal, it was highly unethical. In an interview after the ruling Miller had these comments for Mr. China and league officials-“First the league said it was not tampering because Mr. China used Dennis Mchloughlin to recruit Matteson (Mchloughlin not in a management position is allowed to contact other players). Well looks like we have a new rivalry, said Miller. Miller was also very upset about losing Matteson because of his lake front property used to host Roadkill picnics. In a parting shot Miller hopes the bacteria count in Mattesons lake this year is extremely high!!!! |
Word has it that…..the first person to own up to the last “rumor” will be dumped in the trash can…no need for any money…most will volunteer…………
Word has it that….the power stars (A.K.A. the power puff girls) have changed there name to the ML FIREMEN. please guys no more jokes about how short there hoses are. okay!!!!
ATTENTION ALL NICKLEBEE’S PLAYERS: will be having base running practice on march 24th at 12 noon. we want to make sure that we don’t make the same mistakes twice like last year during the playoffs. so will take the time to learn how to run them and most importantly that we touch all the bases…especially home plate!
….rumor has that Scott kentrus of the stew dogs tore up his leg. (get well Scott) who is going to pitch for the stew dogs this year for the playoffs? because last year during the playoffs the team mysteriously sent Brian “the liv dog” to Maine to learn how tie flies for his fishing rods. will the stew dogs have enough confidence in their young hurler this year?
“There have been several confirmed reports that the “Stew Doggz” were out for Batting Practice on Saturday March 9th. Not so surprising for a team loaded with young talent but inept at making it to the next level in the playoffs. This young, continuously underachieving team is doing everything in its power to try to make an appearance in a Sunday afternoon Championship Game in late July with the real men. Maybe batting practice in early March will help their cause. Incidentally, real teams in this league don’t pick up a bat, glove or ball until about 15 minutes before Game 1 of the Regular Season!”
Word has it that a new team is in the works “Brew Crew” If going by the name is any indicator …they will fit right in in our Sunday league………..
Nicklebee’s Softball undergoes major transition. Coach Wiker was forced to step down as Coach of Nicklebee’s after losing to Road kill in the 2001 Championship Game. Nicklebee’s owner Mark Miller removed Wiker in late February and replaced him with rookie coach Rob “Crooks” Weber. Wiker remains with the team but will no longer be exempt from all beer penalties and will probably drop in the batting order. Coach Weber is scanning the free agent market to fill out his roster…more to follow!
Other Nicklebee’s moves: Probable 2001 MVP winner (If Nicklebee’s hadn’t fallen on their faces in the Championship game), George Wiker has decided to leave an unstable Nicklebee’s squad to start his own franchise: Mr. China! Coach Wiker has a full squad including two other 2001 Nicklebee’s players Bobby “Hamstrings” Schuck and John “Chainsaw” Betts. These three former Nicklebee’s standouts carried their team through the 2001 playoffs and will be sorely missed.
Team China will be provided with one-gallon on Wonton soup, 16 Egg Rolls, and a one-pound container of Moo-Go-Gai Pan before each game.
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….just wondering how the stew dogs batting avg.’s are so high? out of the top 12 they have 7 of them. but where were this bats during the playoffs???? they did all the talking and everybody else did all the hitting! somebody should tell their stats guy to stop drinking stews and also stop smoking (what ever that funny smell is?) during the game.
2001 Past Rumors
Playoffs begin and the rumors begin to fly…………….
StewDoggz seem to be in the drivers seat coming into the playoffs…Rumor has it that the StewDoggz, rookies when it comes to drinking, may have trouble keeping focus on the games after both a Friday and Saturday ( Canoe Carnival Ball) night out with the boyz….
Nicklebee’s also undefeated in the first round of the playoffs..have been asked to renegotiate the 2002 contracts of Joe Clementi ( batting over .800 since his return from the Far East League) & George Wiker also showing increased batting ability in the last 5 games. Both managers have been considering higher salaries and “get out of 30 pack” waivers for the following years.
Golden Glove winner Jim Shinskie was rumored to have a pulled hamstring and possibly out for the playoffs. Details were unclear as to how he obtained this injury, but team mates said it had to do with a late Saturday night and cow tipping….details will follow
Rumor has it that Pete “2 Time Cy Young Winner” Amodeo, will return next season to lead the Operators to a long awaited championship- last in 1983. Pete recently went through double by pass heart surgery. Rumor has it that the Operators plan to double his salary if he comes back and a nice bonus if he records at least 8 wins in the next season…details were unclear as to the compensation amounts……….
Roadkill with a lot of Questions!!!!!
After getting shutout!!!! for the first time in Roadkill history, a lot of
Roadkill players were questioning their ability. Many unnamed players were
wondering if they were getting too old. After all, Each Roadkill player has
about 3 kids, could that be wearing on the team. Roadkill players were fined for
2 Strikeouts and 3 double plays!! Coach Miller is still trying to figure out
what and who will be fined for a TEAM shutout. Coach Miller was reached at home
during halftime of the Sixers game for comments. ” I am stunned, some of my big
hitters just aren’t getting the job done!. I have been playing with the lineup
but I cant get everyone hitting. I knew coming into this year some of the guys
did not follow my off season training regime. Some guys are living off our title
a couple years ago. Look, I am on double digits on Bud’s today, I do not want to
say anymore, some of my guys are to sensitive and I might say something I will
regret.””
Early retirement for Dan “Kook” Ross
Dan “KooK” Ross retirement festivities. Look for RoadKill in an upcoming game to retire Dan’s jersey and honor the KOOK for his 15 years of play in the Men’s Softball League. Dan an original member of the Kill decided to hang up his cleats and retire. Public Relations director of RoadKill released the following reasons for Dan’s retirement-1. Dan decided he needed to spend more time with himself. 2. Six days a week fishing was not enough, Sunday is the best day to fish. 3.Harder and harder for the Kook to shake off his Saturday night hangovers. 4. Dan was not happy with the NEW second foul and your out rule.
High profile player Brian Kerstetter has recently signed a 1 year contract with the young StewDoggz for an undisclosed amount. Word has it that “still coach of the Flakes” Iadanza could not match the offer by the Stew Doggz.. who were in need of closing up the middle, (2nd base). Negotiations are still on there way to determine the spot in the batting order. We intercepted this picture of “young” Brian…that he had sent to the StewDoggz to show them that he can still play ball and even pitch if necessary. ** Word also has it that Home Run Derby winner…Chris Cavanaugh has been crank calling Brian’s house and threatening to throw his busty chest around if Brian does not re-join the Flakes…. |
Word also has it the long time Operators great Don “Manny” Ferry will be retiring from the league. Having over 20 years in the league “Manny” was heard saying that he would be working as an intern with Howard Stern and unfortunately would have to work on Sundays to earn his place on the show. Golf may also have something to do with this decision.
Rumor has it that there was a “Florida Marlins-house cleaning” of the 2nd place Flakes, soon after the season ended. The word is that both T.J Long and John Savon of the Operators are leaving and joining the Flakes outfield. Also Coach Iadanza was rumored to get the boot along with other “problem players” The Flakes were also heard in negotiations trying to keep the golden glove SS Drew Wagner from leaving. There is also a rumored pitching change with the controversial pitching great Doug Griffith……….The NEW Flakes team with certainly have their hands full trying to coordinate the big change……..
The earlier rumor of past coaching champ ( Sorinos 96-97-98) Rich Lyon- to start up a new team has been put on the back burner since the house cleaning of the Flakes. Rumor has it that some of the NEW players that were to go to Rich Lyon have leaned towards the newly stacked Lakes Flakes team…….
Rumor has it that long time past player of the Operators, Jack Schaub, has been under negotiations with the now outfielderless team. Schaub was seen having lunch with Don Ferry and the Flying W at the end of the season. Nicklebee’s were not saying either way, other than Schaub is not producing as in past years and could be used as good trade bait.
New Team Rumors have been heard:
The original Flakes have been said to have “dropped some dead wood”
Although word has it that this new “super team” yet un-named comprised of some prize players have rumored to have a full team ready to beat the “unbeaten” Rumor also has it that this loss of these “high profile ” players lost from the Flakes, team of old, will not change the ability of the original Flakes from playing in the league this year.
1999 & 2000 Season Rumors- Shows all rumors listed-click here
2000 season rumors……
Coach Wiker has been sent to the minors for “personal reasons” and his inability to gain a hit in his last 8 ABs including a strike out in Sunday’s game against the Slugs. Wiker was seen talking to a tree after Slugs pitcher Ed Davies struck him out looking. The Nicklebee’s squad is seeking a Coach to replace the emotionally unstable Wiker and have been rumored to be stalking former Coach Rich Lyon to guide the team through the playoffs. Wiker, who attained a sucker’s cycle (ofer, “K”, foul out), is now ridding pine with the Shamong 14 and younger girls squad. He may make an appearance with the Nicklebee’s squad during the playoffs if he displays the ability to make contact with a softball.
Rumor-Some rumblings are taking place on the Roadkill squad. Jim Shinskie
always known for his great fielding played a great shortstop against the
Trailblazers. At the post game party some of the players were putting the
pressure on Coach Miller to make the move a permanent one heading into the
playoffs. Coach Miller, never afraid to shake the lineup up (look at last years
late season switches) is said to be thinking it over. Coach Miller was heard
saying” I think I have the support of Dan Ross for the switch, but I am worried
what it will do to the psyche of K. Ross and Wayno. And which one do I move to
second?” Look for the lineup in the last game against the Operators for a
playoff preview.
A loud cry has been heard bellowing around the league, from the current
champs, Road Kill. The current champs are screaming for respect! And getting
none… people are calling them paper champs, since they didn’t play the A
team of Sorino’s… they only saw the Sorino’s B squad!!! Maybe the “Kill”
should just wait for this years playoffs, since Nicklebee’s will be sporting
the “A” attire.
With Sunday’s perennial dog fight game between David and Goliath (Nicklebee’s vs. Lakes Flakes), news has surfaced regarding an off season “blockbuster trade” that fell short of completion before the midnight trade deadline on June 1. Unconfirmed reports had the Roth Brothers, Chris Cavanaugh (Guy who left Roadkill the year they won the Big One!) and Cash moving to Nicklebee’s in exchange for the Donahue Brothers, Crooks Weber, One Farm Animal and a jar of Vaseline (Apparently, Drew Wagner demanded that Coach Iadanza throw in the demand for the Farm Animal and Petroleum Jelly). The deal was said to have fallen apart when Coach Iadanza reviewed the Nicklebee’s player’s contracts and discovered a clause in each stating that ” the Team owner is responsible for feeding these robust players”. Considering the financial burden associated with such a clause, Iadanza pulled the plug in the eleventh hour. The Farm Animal/Vaseline for Cash portion of the deal went through at the request of Iadanza on behalf of his Shortstop Drew Wagner.
Eyewitnesses have heard squealing sounds and other sounds which appear to resemble Iadanza singing Ethel Merman’s “Ain’t it swell, ain’t it great, feelin’ like you could have the whole world on a plate….” coming from Iadanza’s house. Witnesses have broken out the infra-red heat seeking
camera’s in an effort to confirm suspected activity. Animal welfare has also been contacted.
Young Walt Cavanaugh came out of retirement to play for the under staffed Lakes Flakes. Lakes Flakes were rumored to say: ” A Hall of Fame player…bring him on” Walt ” -age unrevealed- was the always solid Lion’s player of old. Flakes were rumored to be posting signs around Walt’s neighborhood for other hopeful players to join the team.
| Rumor has it that the undefeated Nicklebee’s, secretly wanting to look like the current softball champions, quickly went out and bought white and green shirts to match the RoadKill organization. Unsupported statements even had coach Wiker saying ” We need all we can get this year we’re hurting for players” |
| The betting rumors have begun. Nicklebee’s, who’s strict “beer fining” rules, have the need to win a keg- challenged both Lakes Flakes and the Stew Doggz to a 1 keg minimum winner buys-wager. The Flakes, all to use to the monetary losses to the Sorino’s/Nicklebee’s team is looking for revenge…….The side bets will increase as Sunday grows closer . |
| An unconfirmed source reports that Don “I can’t believe my team sucks this bad in my last season in the league” Ferry has contacted Nicklebee’s about a Free Agent move to the undefeated team. Ferry is permitted to move under League Rule: 38, Subpart B, Section Alpha, Subscript E1(2)(a)(iii). This rule states that “any player who has been in the league since its inception and played with the likes of Walt Cavanaugh, Noah (of the ARK), and Wally Pipp, has the right to do whatever the hell he pleases”. Considering this rule, Ferry has opted to tell his team to” blow it out their rear end” and will be riding pine with an undefeated team instead of with a winless team. Nicklebee’s coach Tom Wiker (Record Holder for Consecutive Hits in the Post Season with 15 in 1997) was not available for comment. Swansong Ferry has yet to ink a deal with soon to be 2000 Champs. |
| Rumor has it that Coach Ross of the Operators isn’t happy with T.J.’s slow offensive start this season and is shopping him around. When asked about his slow start T.J. responded that although he is only two for five with no home runs, his swing will return. T.J. questions the commitment of some of his teammates who show up for the game with a hangover and then continue drinking throughout the game. Some of his teammates also appear to have a morbid fear of a softball. Any coach interested in a 35 year old, apparently washed-up outfielder, please see T.J. He can be found at the Medford Lakes’ field on most Sundays. He is easily spotted. Just look for the skinny, gray-haired gut sitting alone. Also, he will be the only player in an Operator’s jersey that doesn’t have a beer in his hand. |
For the Hot Shots- GETTING OUT OF THE BASEMENT ISN’T AS EASY AS EXPECTED. RUMOR HAS IT THAT THE FIRST STEPS WILL BE THE TRAILBLAZERS AND THE OPERATORS. |
| RUMOR HAS IT THAT GOLDEN GLOVE SHORTSTOP TOMMY DONAHUE WAS SEEN REHABILITATING WITH PAT CROCE AND MIGHT BE SEEN ON SUNDAY THE SEVENTH IN A KEY GAME AGAINST THE SLOPERATORS. DESPITE THE EFFORTS OF THE ROTH BROTHERS TOM AND BOB OF THE FLAKES AND THEIR MENTAL AND PHYSICAL TACTICS TO KEEP THE ALL-STAR DOWN DONAHUE VOWS REVENGE AND WILL BE SEEN AT A BALLPARK NEAR YOU IN THE NEAR FUTURE RUMOR HAS IT THAT THE DEVIOUS ROTH BROTHERS HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH DONAHUE’S MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE FROM SORINOS CHAMPIONSHIP LAST YEAR AND NICKLEBEE’S VOWS TO RETURN TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND TO RECLAIM THEIR CROWN WHERE IT BELONGS. |
The Medford Lakes Fire Company softball team The Hot Shots is rumored to have had a practice and is looking like they might win a game this year. They did some recruiting in the off season and have been training hard. They are going to defeat the Regulators on opening day because some of the Regulators defected from the Hot Shots. A new coach for the 2000 season and a new attitude hopefully will get the Hot Shots out of the Basement. We fight fires better than we play softball . |
| Latest Rumor has it that Nicklebee’s..aka Sorinos are in need of a player or two…Last years disappointing turnout in the playoffs has caused coach Wiker to recruit a ringer from the ranks of the women’s league…more to follow. |
Dain Bramage, who are they? Oh yeah, that’s right, they used to play
softball a hundred years ago. BRING ‘EM ON!
Rumors have been circulating that Coach Wiker (of former Sorinos) will be giving a press conference as to the removal of owner Art Sorino. Rumor has it that Nicklebee’s will sponsor the once unbeatable team- now only mediocre- for the 2000 season. Coach Wiker will also been publicly shown on the new Wheaties boxes hitting a store near you!!!!!  |
| An anonymous source reported to have overheard a conversation involving Don Ferry ( Player from the Operators. Hits: Right //Throws: Like a girl) and Jimmy Githens ( Player from the League Champion Roadkill). Hits: Right //Throws: Right //Catches: With his face). Each player was boasting about their respective teams and the FACT that they would win it all this year. Ferry, perennial bench warmer, feels that the Operators will run away with the title even though hopes of stealing the Donahue’s from Sorinos fell short much the way the Operators did in the 1999 playoffs. Githens, the guy famous for catching with his face, countered that the League Champion Roadkill will win because they are “stacked this year”. |
“Bobby and Tommy Roth have been rumored to be shopping their services |
| Sorinos have been in negotiations with owner Art Sorino and the talks have not been going well. Sorinos have been rumored to been talking about firing owner Art Sorino. Rumors also have been circulating about Nickelbee’s wanting a high profile team to promote the bar and restaurant. More to follow…….. |
| The excited new team “3 and Out” rumored to have already paid their league fees, were found to not have proper eligibility ruling on 6 of the 12 team players they had selected. At this point they plan to group together with the Regulators to make a full team roster. This bringing the league teams to 9. |
| Rumor…Truth…There will be 10 teams for the 2000 year. Bombers dropped and formed StewDoggz and two new teams: “3 and out“, and “Regulators” will hit the Medford Lakes league this year….. |
| An anonymous grapevine source said that Dain Bramage is trying to put their team back together including Gary Mercy, Tommy Sanson, and even Rusty Cahill. When all of the pieces are together, they will approach Commissioner Dan about the possibility of reinstatement into the league. |
1999 season rumors……
Previous Rumors -1999
| Rumor has it: That Superstition Reigns Supreme…No ones talking on the “Rumor Mill” this week….any ideas????…shhhhhhhhh….. |
| Flakes Loose Another Challenge. The beer & burgers served in a G-string bet did not occur. Sorino’s feeling bad about beating them a second time…Not., let the Flakes off the hook and suggested that the party be relocated at Nicklebee’s. The night was fun…as usual…This time the tab was far less than $600. Sorino’s will be happy to entertain another “Challenge” for the next game played. |
| Rumor has it: That Sorino’s Mike Dittmar has a season ending injury to his right (Pitching) shoulder. Word has it that Dittmar, upset about not starting for the Road Kill game, tore his rotator cuff swinging (and missing) at a heckling fan. An angry Dittmar was not available for questioning….Will there be a fine handed out for his conduct ???…… |
* What kind of balls will be used for the rest of the season & playoffs- Ask the “Commish” Be Informed Click HERE.
** The Natives are getting restless!! Word has it that the “B” teams are tired of taking a perpetual ass-whipping and want something done about it. Shouts of “PARITY NOW!!!” are ringing through the streets. Stay tuned…..
| ** Road Kill scouting Shawnee’s American Legion Team- in attempt to get younger fresher legs- Road Kill will hold open tryouts to Shawnee studs to join Road Kill next year. “It will be a good opportunity for some young guys into the league and to pick up some summer cash” Road Kill is renting a 2 bedroom flophouse in the Lakes to make sure each new player meets the eligibility requirements. LOOK OUT !! |
| **Sorinos sponsor, Art Sorino, is livid! He has threatened to sell the team and promises that they will be dismantled unless they win out. Rookie Head Coach Wiker and ASS. Coach Weber have been asked to step down by the owner in what appears to be an all out panic. Sorino also stated that this team played like a bunch of sissy’s on Sunday, squandering several bases loaded opportunities (see Dittmar and Schuck, to name a few, for details) as the Operators kicked Sorinos ass! Consequently, the team uniform has been changed to a Pink Tu Tu accented with a Purple Bro (that’s George Castanza’s equivalent of a Bra). Herb “Thunder and Lightening” Storm (all time leader in errors with a lifetime .097 average and a forty yard dash of five minutes) has been tendered a 10-day contract to replace Tommy “I Can’t Catch a Cold” Donahue at SS, but turned it down stating that he will not be a part of this “embarrassment of a team.” Donahue, who combined with 3B Lane “Wee…I’ll Just Throw it into the Tennis Courts” Lundberg for 10 errors, was not available for comment. Sorino also wondered aloud what the hell Ernie “I Can’t Catch Pete Amodeo’s Fly Ball” Ley was thinking when he missed the blast to left center field. Ley was rumored to have approached Jimmy “the Eyesocket” of Roadkill for some tips on the effectiveness of catching with his face. Rich “I can’t hit a Watermelon this Year” Lyon finally got a hit, but ran out of Brooks in a hurry after the game to escape the inevitable ball breaking of other teams (You’re such a wuss, Rich!). Tommy “Fraudulent Power” Wiker and Rob “I almost Hit the Ball out of the Infield” Weber were seen at Grandslam Batting Cages on Sunday night swinging hopelessly at balls. Finally, Mike “What’s a Strike” Dittmar has been sent to the MLAA 8-year old and under Mini Munchkin League to study pitching techniques in hopes of regaining his form. |
| ** Road Kill in Disarray!!! The combination of a bad season, mounting losses and extreme heat ( the beers played no part), and a controversial strike call brought the Road Kill bench to a near brawl. Dan Ross after grounding out to 2nd told R. Cahill what he thought about a first pitch strike call on his way back to the dugout. The players had to be separated before it got ugly. “There was a lot of cussing and name calling between many players that could divide the team” one player said-who wants to remain anonymous- Coach Miller’s job is in jeopardy!! – Coach Miller confirms he is in trouble. “Its those damn Ross brothers. They founded the team and hold all the power. I guess past history plays no part in my managerial skills. Hell we finished first last season. Expect MAJOR LINEUP CHANGES against the Operators, If I get canned I’m going down my way.” |
Flakes Challenge Sorino’s Again!!! The Flakes, seeing that Sorino’s can be beaten, and beaten badly, challenged Sorino’s to another game bet: As it has been told the Rumor Mill…After the last game of the regular season 3:00pm Sunday 25th, There will be a game ending party with a Keg and burgers..at a local players house-(to be named this week). The looser pays for the keg and food and the winner gets to pick three of the loosing teams players to serve beer and food to the rest of the COED party…in some type of thong..Leopard print has been suggested by not mandatory. This bet is not new to the Flakes since Tom Roth 2 years ago said that he would serve the Sorino’s team during their year end party, if they won the Championship…Tom, let your team know what it’s like…..
Rumor/Fact: The Flakes John Iadanza leads the pocket poor Flakes from paying up on the Sorinos/Flakes -Nicklebee’s bet on June 20th. Tom Roth and Drew Wagner paid the nights ending tab of nearly $600. At this time only two other Flakes players have owned up to the challenge made by the Flakes “Team” and paid there part of the bet. How long will this take. Hope the rest of the team goes on the “30 day net” payment schedule.
Retirements:
* There is many saying that the softball Gods are smiling as one of Medford Lakes’ controversial twirlers retires causing the league to erupt with cheers and laughter. All teams now have a chance to strive towards the championship trophy. The mighty Yogi says ” It ain’t over till the fat lady sings”
signed,
Anonymous
** Mike Dittmar- now leading the MLAA Munchkin league, has some pull to put together a scrimmage game to give Sorino’s a good run for their money in hopes of regaining some of the lost ability….Mike will be pitching for the Munchkins per Art Sorino…more to follow.
News has leaked from Sorino’s Softball Head Office ( The liquor Store on Stokes Road, you know the one) that at a 3:00 PM news conference was to be held today (July 15) in which team owner Art “my team sucks cause they can’t beat the blowfish Operator’s” Sorino was going to name Doug “I love my reflection” Griffith as the new Coach. As the news rippled through the softball world the following comments were quoted from disgruntled members of the beleaguered squad: First Baseman Rob Weber “I Quit”, Shortstop Tommy Donahue ” I Quit”, Catcher Bob Schuck “I #@%@$ Quit”, Outfielder Jack Schaub “I’d rather loose than be coached by him”, Third Baseman Lane Lundberg “Are you #($@ kidding me, I quit”, Outfielder Tom Wiker “whew”, Pitcher Mike Dittmar ” I quit’, you get the picture. Needless to say, Sorino regained his composure realizing what such a drastic move might do to this already volatile team. Wiker has been reinstated as Head Coach & Weber as the ASS. In other news, Sorino’s was unable to complete the scrimmage with the Mini Munchkins due to a late inning controversy. Apparently, a fight broke out due to an arguable call and a fight ensued in which Sorino’s suffered its second straight but kicking of the week… |
| ** Looking for a Few (Okay several) Good Men: The “First Wives/Fiancée’/Girlfriend Club” of the Sorino’s softball team speaks out…An anonymous official member sends her plea… “These are desperate times my friends. I speak for all members of my proud club when I ask that you please show us mercy in light of the horrendous display that took place at Brook’s field this past Sunday the 11th of July in what most would not even categorize as a “game” It is only with utmost shame, unparalleled embarrassment and quite frankly, complete humiliation that we the women of this club BEG YOU to do us the justice that we as a whole so undeniably deserve. We are but women. Good Looking Women and regardless of the name of this club are looking for A WHOLE BUNCH of good men that we can be proud of. I’m talking about the player’s here people. If you got game – we got something for you. If you’re out there …we need you. We’re drowning over here and there’s not a lifeguard in site. If you like to make us proud (how hard could it be…you’re up against Sorino’s for God sake) we whole heartedly welcome your responses here in “The Mill”. We’ll be waiting men…….” |
| **Response to “Looking for a few good men” …We’ve got game and we’re |
| interested n showing you that we have “ALL THE RIGHT STUFF”. |
| Look for us Sunday July 18, at 4:30pm, bring your best and we’ll |
| see what kind of stuff you have to offer… |
| Signed: |
| Hungry for a real game !!! |
** Potential Controversy Averted – While many players & fans left the field on Sunday believing the Flakes had won by the score of 15-14, a scoring error was revealed after the conclusion of the game by the official score keeper – In the fourth inning, the Flakes had only been credited with four runs instead of the five that they actually scored (Simple math is apparently not a strong skill for the Flakes). Rumor has it that several members of the Road Kill team were aware of the scoring error, but in the spirit of competition (Lame?) decided to keep the scoring error to themselves…
**Coach Miller Responds:” I mark down runs for the opponent each game and check with the opposing coach after each inning on the score. It is true that I thought the Flakes scored 5 runs in the inning in question, but when I asked the Flakes they said they only had 4. I thought I made a scoring error. I thought I might have confused the Flakes runs with our ERRORS IN the inning. It is not my job to keep track of the Flakes runs. Besides there were kegs on the line and the way we are playing we need all the help we can get.”
** Sorino’s must have been fighting a mean hang-over on Sunday!! Rumor has it the Firemen were laughing at the Sorino’s Sunday Slaughter!! Only 4 hits by the reigning kings?? I remember when Rob Weber would get that many hits in the first 5 innings. WAT’S SUP WIT DAT ????
Rumor has it that: There will be plenty of quality seats available for the once popular Road Kill/Flakes match-up this Sunday at 3:00pm. A virtual “lock” to sellout in years past, this game has lost its edge with the downfall of each team. The Flakes, still floundering after a stiff bill at Nicklebee’s, desperately need a win. Road Kill, a team searching for its own identity, would like nothing less than a win on Sunday. Usually playing in front of a capacity crowd, this Sunday’s match-up should be a surprise to each team as empty seats loom large throughout Brooks field as these teams hobble toward the playoffs.
** Coach Miller of Road Kill is considering a mandatory batting practice 1 hour before each game at Shawnee High School.
** Dan Ross is rumored to have spoken to legal council to vindicate himself from the insubordination allegations in the ” popping out to the catcher” incident.
** Dan Ross is being fined a 12 pack per week for insubordination for refusing to pay up for popping out to the catcher. Dan claims since the catcher was in fair territory the case rule should not apply. The team voted 12-0 in favor of the fine. Stay tuned…. Coach Miller was also fined for missing the first inning. Coach M was at the Phillies game & claimed the game was a sell-out and got caught in the stadium traffic…
** Dan Ross- Settled out of court, paid a 30 pack for the infamous “popping out to the catcher”
** “Wetterau Rumored to be leaving Road Kill” – After being removed for consideration as a Golden Glove Candidate and being replaced by Jimmy “let me catch it with my eye socket” Githens, Wayne Wetterau is said to be shopping his services to ” any team that has a chance to win it all (ala Chris Cavanaugh – See previous rumors)’. Wetterau will forfeit the remainder of his 1999 Road Kill contract, a sum of nearly 2.5 million, to latch on with another contender looking to make a playoff run. Several Coaches have stated, based on anonymity, that they want no part of Wetterau and his glove throwing antics. Keep an eye out for Wetterau to follow Chris “Benedict Arnold” Cavanaugh to the Flakes.
*** After an 0 for 3 game for the Flakes, Bob Roth ( 1998 Home Run Derby Champion/ Guy who got his head stuck in a doorway in his Manhattan office) is rumored to have dropped out of this year’s Home Run Derby. Roth was rumored to say that Mike Dittmar is pitching in the ’99 Derby. Dittmar, who held Roth to NO HITS in three at bats, has Roth’s number but has not committed to the Derby because he states that ” I’ve already schooled that little boy”. Bob’s brother Tom, who is still recovering from a severe hangover and “achy wallet syndrome” suffered this past Sunday night, has agreed to defend the title in hopes of salvaging the Roth name.
**Rumor has it that the Tennis Club has challenged the Softball league to a fight due to the softball players continued use of the Medford Lakes Hut. To avoid this, League Commissioners have been in marathon negotiations with members of the MLAA & the Tennis Club trying to come to an agreement on terms of use of the hut by the stinky, sweaty, overweight softball players. This issue arose when an unnamed member of the softball league left his jock on one of the benches. Apparently, after an extended game of mixed doubles, an exhausted member of the Lakes Tennis team mistook the jock for a towel & wiped their brow. The jock stuck to the tennis player’s head and had to be medically removed. The fight has been called for 5:30 PM, behind Riviera Pizza, be there or be square!!
Where has Road Kill gone?? Is this a team overcome by turmoil or are they really only a .500 team lacking the talent they once thought to have. Has the addition of former Bramage pitcher Rusty Cahill led to the demise of this “always a bride’s maid, never a bride” team. Rumor has it that this team has never fully recovered from their “Hey, Hey, Hey,…Good bye” departure from the ’98 playoffs after posting a season leading 9-1 record. Is there a rebuilding process in the future?? Check with coach Miller as he fields your questions in the league chat room on Friday night, June 25 at 7:00pm EST.
** Sorino’s shortstop Tom Donahue is rumored to have been sent down (Week 4) to the Sorino’s farm team” Tabernacle Corn Huskers” of the blueberry-West 206 League. Donahue has been having problems getting hits, claiming that his eyesight has been hindered due to “an old prescription in my beer goggles”. As a replacement, Sorino’s has been rumored to be talking numbers with retired Three-Time Champion -Herb “Thunder & Lightning” Storm. Storm is reportedly seeking one six pack per game with an incentive-laden bonus package totaling $1.5 million….More to follow.
** Jim “Biff” Githens-also of Road Kill- in an attempt to run down a long fly ball tried to catch it with his eye. After it hit him in the eye the Trailblazers scored 8 unanswered runs. Biff, holding an ice pack on his eye, still proclaiming he is the “GREATEST OUTFIELDER IN THE LEAGUE” !!! Lets keep this in for one more week….
* Jonathan Mercy ( AKA: J-man ) rumored to be dropping by Medford Lakes in the next few weeks. Although NO-ONE is truly sure who he going to play for Sorino’s has allotted cap money for this single game appearance…..Free agency has its benefits..
* Where is Bramage, and will they ever return??
** Bob Roth recently suffered a mishap when his head got stuck in a doorway in his Manhattan office. EMT’s confirmed that Roth suffered from a case of a “Blown up head due to his name being posted as the 1998 Home Run Derby Champion on the Medford Lakes Web Page” Medics worked for hours releasing a year’s worth of hot air from Roth’s head while eventually prying him loose from the doorway. Coach Iadanza, although concerned about the starting left-centerfielders condition, confirmed that Roth would be in attendance for Sunday’s contest.
* Lakes Flakes: – In recent development, Coach Iadanza has been rumored to be courting Tom Roth Sr., Gordie McCord, Doug Griffith & several past members of the Flakes Championship years, for the week’s highly touted game against Sorino’s. When approached by league sources the past champions stated that they want no part of the present Flakes regime and they were “an embarrassment to the rich tradition we once had” The Sorino’s Flakes game is the last of the four action-packed thrillers scheduled for this Sunday ( 6-20) Don’t miss the Action !!!!
**** Previously, the Rumor Mill indicated that the Flakes picked up High Profile Free Agent Brian Kerstetter in the past off-season. While Mr. Kerstetter is certainly a High Profile Player ( or at least, a very large player), and despite Tommy Donahue’s efforts to convince another quality individual from joining the dark side, Mr. Kerstetter was not a free agent this past season. He was a larger contributor to the Flakes success in reaching the finals last year and the Flakes look forward to building a solid, long-term relationship with Mr. Kerstetter as the organization returns to their position of dominance.
Breaking Development from the Coach’s meeting on Thursday, May 27:
** John Iadanza will be having a Home Run Derby for Short guys and kinds 10 years old and under who don’t have the man power to hit the ball out of the infield at Brooks. Iadanza was heard to have said “I think I really have a shot at the “kiddy Home Run Derby” but I’m a little concerned about the Neckelmann kid.
** Medford Lakes is considering purchasing the vacant Settler’s Inn property and placing a 29 seat domed stadium in its place for the men’s softball league. The deal is hinging on several issues including the installation of authentic Brook’s SteelCrabGrass, fifteen pubs, a big tree and a wire cable in left field, a cement infield and, of course, the dome has to be a log structure. More to follow…..
** Jack Schaub, of recent Home Run ability, is rumored to have been in rehab due to an overdose of Androstene. The Medford Lakes Drug Enforcement Agency is also rumored to be suspending Schaub for the ” Flakes” show-down this Sunday.